Tuesday, March 28, 2006
heyss. it's been a busy wkend sia. esp sat. when to film our campaign video. ji random yi xia!! omigosh lols. but went out for a day of super crazy stuff ya. like posing next to the big ads and all! had a real fun day of randomness :P see our video on fri then u will know le la hehes.
actually our video is super dumb la. but i like it =)). anyway, had a busy 2 days cos yesterday and today stay back to paint banner. am quite glad we all everything ironed out by tml! hahas. just left with some dunno wad 1 min intro thing then we are done. i really know wad to say liddat... sians lol.
our banner and posters will be up tml! whee haha. everyone will then be able to take a look. our sweat and blood sia.
chanel handbags spend 2 dirty days with stained clothes and kouping huang cheng brushes and paint(oops :P). a fun experience. truly. cos i nv really managed to paint our class banner, nor the cny one. so this is the truly first banner that i did.
and i find it not bad too. for a super last minute design on the actual day itself lolx (yesterday). it's simple but not plain! even if it's a bit plain, it's concise and nice. haha. ok my vocab is very limited. but it's just... nice la.
im actually super summarising all that we've done over the preparation. hope artemisians can see the effort we put in and give us ur support =)! so... jia you to everyone else running for council and all the best to 'more!'!
p.s. look out for our banner/posters tml and video on fri ba! hope it's up to expectations hahas.
voodoo-ed and killed at 8:34 PM
Thursday, March 23, 2006
once again, i have done it. just that i wasn't alone.
it's not stress this time. more of disappointment and loneliness. with a scattering of opposing opinions and a pinch of emptiness.
it's no longer the snappy bitchy me. it's the... unusually quiet. unusually down. and unusually listless me. i have no mood to snap at anything or get angry or pissed anymore. ill just suffer in silence. and bring down the world with me.
keeping things to myself. i know it's not the right way to do. but i dont think i should be bitching around anymore. ill just lose friends (which i think i already did). silence is probably the best policy to keep my social circle intact. no reason to affect others when problems fall upon me.
sighs. should have thought about this earlier. if not this second breakdown wouldnt have happened. i myself know the cause. but i shant elaborate. only samuel knows, and he only is aware of half of it. the other half i shant disclose. it's not anyone's fault but mine. no reason to blame other ppl.
i think jc life is really catching up on me le. 2 breakdowns in 2 wks is no kidding matter. my tolerance level hasnt filled up so quickly before. am i starting to give way under the impact of jc life? and losing my original tolerance level? i seriously hope not.
but then again, why would i have given in so soon? the only reason i can think of is cos im too much of a feeler le. i think abt stuff too deeply and take things too hard i guess.
replica watches during these times, friends and family are what i need. but i took on the first one myself. now the second one is because of a lack of them. although i dont seem lonely, i truly am. extremely. so much so that i feel totally empty inside.
i feel that instead of mutual conversations, the only conversations that i have asre initiated and forced by me. i am too tired of taking the initiative. and having so much opposition as i do that. i talk to people for the sake of talking to people. i nv had zero topics to talk abt b4. or at least, something strong enough to keep people talking to me and not go back to their own cliques.
i thought i was pretty good in my standing in our class cliques thing, having thought that i can mix around with most people. how wrong i was.now as i can see, in the end, ultimately, im in none. a lonely one. thats what i am. even the clique that i thought i was closest too has just shown me these days that i dont actually belong to their group and they mix around with themselves.
does anyone know how big a blow that is? from being able to mix with everyone to the final realisation that actually, im not able to mix with anybody? no one that can wait for me to go canteen. no one to go with me to staffroom or general office when i need to go. no one to spend my breaks with. no one to sit next to me in tuts and lectures. out of school, no one to eat out with. no one to watch movie with. no one to kbox with. worst of all, no one willing to initiate conversations with.
i cannot take it anymore. i tried to hold it back cos it was in school and it was in front of samuel. now back in the privacy of my home, and as im typing this, i just got to release it...
actually i dont think it's a breakdown. cos im ratonal enough to think of wad are the causes. if overcommitment stresses me out, i can try to learn to cope and take it well. but if even friends desert me, i got no one to turn to anymore in times of need. i value friendship really deeply. a lack of it is just... unacceptable. ive had a horrible experience before, i dont wish to repeat it. please.
thanks samuel for being there this afternoon. if not ill feel really helpless. it's only in front of you that i can release it out. cos i think u understand. sorry for breaking down completely. i know u havent seen me like that before. sorry.
but...will others understand?
ps. actually i dont really think i want others to read this. cos i dont think it's their problem. blame it on me if i just cant get close friends i guess. i got to stop being like that. collapsing will not help matters. i dont think anyone really understands. they probably think im just a crybaby who crys for the simplest reasons.
voodoo-ed and killed at 7:30 PM
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
reluctantly, he held out his clenched fist in front of him.
and he opened his palm.
she flew out of his now open hand.
finally, she tasted freedom.
did he make the right choice?
will she fly back to him?
i wonder.
will things work out?
wads going to happen next?
how am i supposed to deal with it?
can anyone enlighten me? anyone at all?
voodoo-ed and killed at 12:27 AM
Saturday, March 18, 2006
haha... must redeem some happiness into my blog. must really really thank whoever encouraged me in one way or another lol, like thru face-to-face, msn, phone, tagging on my blog etc. thanks to all of u. im feeling a lot better now la, cos i got wad u all mean, learn to let go and not the hmk must be done or wad mahs :P
so dont stress myself unneccesarily! yup, thats the advice im gonna take from u all =)). so really really thx to all. i didnt know my nick could tell stuff... i mean i normally exaggarate and have this kind of nicks de ma, but this time is for real loh. and u all seem to be able to tell hehe...
i think the root of my stress comes from my ccas, as u all and even i knew right from the start. now that the 2nd intake has come in, it's time for the dropping ceremony to begin. but which cca shall have the honour of this? i really have no idea. i do need some more time to think abt it.
i joined these ccas due to my interest and hoping to see which is more fun for me. and interact and techmonix were the "lower band" while co and guitar were the "higher band". but now after the interact camp, i dunno if i still treat interact as "lower band" anymore. cos it was really fun and i enjoyed it, and ccas are there for u to enjoy isnt it? so im really really stuck now.
if i were to consider co or guitar also quite out of the question. co is something i have been in since p4, and im not that ready to let go yet. for so many yrs ive been in contact with chinese music, so why let go now? when all the skills and bonds from tchsco ive created and obtained are ready for use over here and make my cca life more enjoyable? next, on to guitar. also quite impossible.
louis vuitton handbags ive been enjoying all the practices and learning all the new stuff. i agree with many ppl that this may just be a sense of novelty cos it's a new instrument and im still passionate abt it, it may just disappear when ive stayed in it long enough. but thru these 3 mths in it, i feel that the novelty hardly ever diminishes, cos every week we seem to learn something. and it's like chinese/english pop songs, which is quite applicable to our lives. and i really like the feeling of being able to play songs u can sing along too! it's like quite cool la...
see my dilemma le ma (try reading this sentence out. and see if u get the "pun")? well for the days to council voting, i shall continue thinking abt it lo. until the day if i ever get into council, ah then thats a different story... we'll see then ba. btw, artemis pals... pls vote for me kk! =)) ill really appreciate it.
voodoo-ed and killed at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
there i did it. the time has come. i was kinda expecting it, when bitchiness is at its height and im spamming a post that doesnt make sense.
red and swollen eyes. runny nose. continuous sniffing. teary-eyed face. frown.
conclusion: nervous breakdown.
yep i did it. for a good whole 15 min in front of the comp, with -down- on the class blog ringing in my eyes. an uncontrollable 15 min. constantly having fits/spasms. gulping for air non-stop. feeling helpless and hopeless. all emotions released in that 15 min.
i grabbed my towel and ran into the toilet, aiming that showerhead at me. in that instant, the brave front i was putting on all along got washed away with my tears down the drain. i felt empty, at a loss, and down. vulnerable and totally hollow.
as i slowly calmed down, i felt myself forming a new front... all ready to take on the stress and emotional expectations till the next breakdown. let's see how this new front can last ba, under the tremedous creator of stress - jc life.
after a good "long" bath, im feeling tons better. thank you wenjie for tokking to me for abt 20 min haha. dont worry, u are not the cause of the breakdown. i know that crying will not do the current situation any good,
chanel handbags but at least it aided in my emotional aspect. im more ready to take on the rest of the week. come on man. im not afraid anymore. tired then tired loh. i can do it de.
mon: interact camp 0815 - 1600 class bbq 1700 - 2330 skipped co 1500 - 1900
tue: interact camp 0830 - 2230
wed: guitar auditions 0830 - 1200 co 1500 - 1900
OVER!
thu: council campaign discussion 1000 - ?
fri: guitar practice 0830 - 1200 study grp 1300 - 1730 ruan zu prac 1830 - 2130
sat: spam hmk ? - 1430 ruan zu concert 1600 - ?
sun: spam hmk ? - 1430 ruan zu concert 1600 - ?
i'll be waiting...
impt list: egg drop, phy test, econs timed assignment, council elections
impt hmk list: maths assignment 2b, tut 2b. phy 2-d kinematics, chem gases tut, phy spa graph
hmk list: inequalities tut, chem bonding tut, econs tut 12
k sorry if this sounds like so contrasting to the previous post. but guess the breakdown helped loads. well... jia you to the end of this wk ba.
voodoo-ed and killed at 11:48 PM
it's one of those down moments again. all stressed out by my totally packed wk for the march hols. i wonder how long more b4 i'll break down. my wk is packed until i totally cannot breathe. not can hardly breathe. is totally cannot breathe. i dunno how im going to cope with any hmk and tests and timed assignments!
im going to suffer from a nervous breakdown anytime soon... ARGH! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this wk is a suppppper hectic week for me. im like really lost for words to say ok. i really dunno how to express this. i go out early in the morning for these few days, come back at late hrs, and i have totally no energy left to do any work at all. i want to revise and do my work and catch up on what i missed out on the term,
louis vuitton handbags really do! but i just dont have the time! im really going to break down if this continues le. everyday i have to wake up like 7am and have activities all the way till 9,10. and when i come back home, i get so tired i fall asleep immediately. how am i going to cope with my work at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and my mouse is irritating me. i think im so stressed up that i spoilt the mouse. the left button is not sensitive anymore. and this is irritating me even more. i cant even use my comp in peace la ok!
and my bitchiness is esp strong tonight. i think im pissing off my campaigning grp cos i just cannot stand opposition against me anymore. ive explained b4, when im so stressed up due to factors not under my control, the minimum i hope and expect is to have things i can control going with me right. then discussion is the perfect place to get pissed off la. i dont agree here, i dont agree there, no to this, no to that. IM LIKE SO IRRITATEDD.
i dunno how many paragraphs of this i can spam. cos it's gonna be countless. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stress. irritation. fatigue. bitchiness. breakdown. mental disorder. insanity. try NOT to find that in me.
voodoo-ed and killed at 11:01 PM
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
haha, feeling refreshed after bathing. so got some energy to blog b4 i set off for bed! tml sians. whole day in school... interact camp till 9+pm!! (it starts at 9am =.=)
anyway im in vanilla! lol. ice creams flavors lehss. still got chocolate, strawberry, peppermint, mango, blueberry. and we are called vanillians hehe. i thought it was not bad... but being the slacker me, i got bored after a while :P. sorry kids, tml ill be more energetic... i hope.
im so glad our grp is quite mild and in racial harmony la. heard from other grp leaders that there are racist ppl in other grps, who says stuff like, "eek, i dont want to play with malays." i mean thats like so.. not wad primary 3/4 kids will say la. another case was whereby we were supposed to look for a banana skin for treasure hunt and a malay boy said, "dont look for me, i dont have banana colour skin." erps la ok... and they use the f-word more often than we do i think... wad are kids coming to nowadays.
and they are super rowdy la ok. the other grps' one at least, lots of fights and taunting and quarrels... i mean, cos sam and ryan are the first aiders, so i know abt the casualty numbers. and i can tell u it's shocking. like every hour, there'll be 1 to 2 cases. and mind u, there are perhaps only abt 30-40 kids... haha it's a high % indeed.
i was expecting them to have this as their secondary duty. who actually would have thought that in the end they had to deal with so many injuries... and there was this serious one which had to be sent home cos when she fell, she either dislocated or fractured her elbow. ouch la okies... hope she gets better..
oh special mention to this "cool" guy among the kids. he's perhaps only abt 9 or 10, at most eleven, but he already got styled hair, dyed hair and ear piercing le. thats like so cool ok :P not that i wanna be like that. but i mean, thats so totally against school rules. dunno how he got past the school de...
***
the class bbq was really fun, though ironically, out of the 3 that we were supposed to "bid farewell" to, and 3 we were supposed to "welcome", only yushan came... i kinda hoped bochao could come, cos after all she VOLUNTEERED to leave the class so wensi could come back.. but sighs, we'll get chances de la...
the food was not bad i think (sorry for not taking part in the bbq-ing. i cmi de). and ate lots of chips, drank lots of soft drinks. had some wine too haha... poor ruiyuan, drink some then whole night drunk lolllll. the face like flustered and red de. but i really seldom drink any wine or alcoholic drinks at all, so this is considered a first.
quite some class interaction today la, got grps playing board games, grps playing zong ji mi ma/TOD, grps playing cards, grps chatting. so i guess it was not bad =)). must have another class gathering soon k! it's really funn sia. got to know miss cheong a bit better also, if not keep having the tchr-student relationship very distant liddat.
haha listening to ~down~ on the class blog now. sad song, but im caught in between the happy and sad mood today. cos cant afford to be depressed, tonight's bbq too high liao,
chanel handbags and wine has got me hyper! lol. so not so sad mood la. now i understand why ppl chiong to drink when they are sad hahas. as for the sad part... dont ask me. i believe it's a collection of stress. like from my cca(s) problem (BIG PROB!), council, trying to complete my hmk in tight hols schedule, preparing for test/timed assignment/egg drop (ANOTHER BIG PROB!). bu stress cai guai...
haha but nvm la. be high for one night wont die... nan de got class gathering lehss. so must be happy!! yay hahas. tml then CONTINUE to worry abt how to complete my hmkk... thats all la, nth much to elaborate also.. i learnt not to treat my blog like a diary, recording everything i did. it's time consuming and gets me bored of blogging easily, or so i realised. though it really jerks memories back when u reread such entries la... aiyah heck.
P.S. umm. thank u to dun jie and yong xian for... actually i also dunno wad lol. just thanks for being there for that... (i didnt take note of the time) 30min? *it felt longer*
voodoo-ed and killed at 12:05 AM
Sunday, March 12, 2006
hiiex. since im like so sian to do any work, let's continue on our quiz spree hahas. i think a lot of ppl do liao, so im kinda late. but nvm lolx.
Rules: Bold the following that are true about you and add 5 people who you want to do this at the bottom.
I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olives.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses. <-- glasses. xD I love to play video games. I've tried marijuana. I've watched porn movies. <-- agree with wenjie: i wouldnt tell u even if i had. I have been in a threesome. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. I believe that honesty is the best policy.
I curse sometimes. <--- ya sometimes is the keyword lolx. dont do it often though. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. I'm TOTALLY smart. <-- yeah right =.= I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. <-- think everyone does bahx. I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times. <-- extremely! I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast. <-- ppl sometimes dont understand wad im saying, so i guess this is true... I have fresh breath in the morning. I have long hair. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling. <-- 2 in fact. one elder bro and sis. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. I have worn fake hair / fingernails / eyelashes in the past.<-- the chinese orch one considered? =.=
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. <-- quite impt for me to avoid some calls :P I like the way that I look. <-- how untrue.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months. <-- sorry, but ppl just have their own secrets they do not want to reveal =(( I know how to cornrow. <-- huh?
I am usually pessimistic. <-- yepps.
I have a lot of mood swings. <-- yepps x infinity. I think prostitution should be legalized. I think Britney Spears is pretty. Slept with a suitemate. I have a hidden talent. <-- looking forward to one. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.< -- add a 'not' and ill bold it.
I have a lot of friends. <-- i hope?
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex. <-- i known of ppl who had though *wink*
I enjoy talking on the phone. <-- extremely lol. if u are a phone freak, call me! we can talk for agessss. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. I LOVE TO SHOP!Enjoy window shopping. <-- um ok la. shopping only becomes fun and "lovable" when u got the money manz. Would rather shop than eat.
chanel handbags I would classify myself as ghetto. <-- another huh? I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders. I'm obsessed with my blog.
I don't hate anyone.I dislike them. <-- isnt this wad ppl always say to reduce the impact of hatred for someone lolx. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone. <-- prefer to call it handphone. just personal preference.
I believe in (a) God. <-- i have a religion, so i suppose yes? I watch MTV on a daily basis. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. I've rejected someone before.
I like someone. <-- but i guess it'll just stay this way.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. <-- sighs. this is wad u get for simply looking ahead and not BEYOND. (athena dramafeste title pun intended. for those who watched. or tried to at least.)
I want to have children in the future. <-- i like kids... i guess. I have changed a diaper before. I've called the cops on a friend before. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club. <-- huh x 3?
I have a lot to learn. <-- indeed indeed. all sorts of stuff to learn manz. I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex. <-- EXTREMELY true. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. <-- almost, almost lol. I have at least 5 away messages saved. I have tried alcohol or drugs before. I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work/school to blog. --> like duh. and often i have avoided assignments at work/school not ONLY to blog. =P
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
I enjoy some country music. <-- SOME's the keyword. I would die for my best friends. <-- um i dont think im thaaaaaaat noble. sorry. I think Pizza Hut has the best pizza. <-- havent tried alot of brands yet, so cant confirm. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive and often a perfectionist. <-- first part yes. 2nd part... ok la. I have used my sexuality to advance my career. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story". Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.<-- sorry i hardly celebrate that. =( I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. I have dated a close friend's ex. I like surveys. <-- who'll bold this. I am happy at this moment. <-- sadly no. im getting stressed up thinking abt the wk of activities packed like mad ahead of me. I'm obsessed with guys. Democrat. Conservative Republican. I am punk rockish. I am preppy. I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time. <-- yah, like the night b4 at 12 midnight and fall asleep b4 1am. I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met. I can work on a car. I love my job. I am comfortable with who I am right now. I have more than just my ears pierced. I walk barefoot wherever I can. I have jumped off a bridge. I love sea turtles. I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. I believe in prophetic dreams. I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument. <-- like so hao lian. who'll say that they are good with anything. well i just did. so, nvm. I worked at McDonald's restaurant. I hate office jobs. I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules. <-- i kinda like water. they are so much nicer than fire. i kinda hate fire. though my sign falls under fire la. argh, horoscopes. I went to college out of state. I am adopted. I like sausage. I am a pyro. I love the Red Sox. I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved. <-- sobz. I love kisses. <-- prefer hugs :P I fall for the worst people. I adore bright colors. I love Dear Abby. I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome. <-- depends on which aspect. I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing. <-- agree! =)) I usually like covers better than originals. I don't like multi-textured ice cream. I think John Cusack is adorable. I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays. I watch Food Network way too much. I love coaching youth sports. I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse. <-- rode one like in... p2? in indonesia, still can rmb. I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet. <-- like now loh. anything believed i was on a diet b4? I talk in my sleep. I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century. I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time. I have jazz in my blood. I wear a toe ring. I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with. <-- it's natural i guess. there are definitely ppl who cant stand working with me. sighs. but life goes this way... I am a caffeine junkie!! I know who Santas L. Helper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed. <-- esp. the 2nd part. I love wrestling. I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all. If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is. <-- i only know. nv did and nv will do it though. I have been to over 15 conventions.<--- hardly go to any. I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better. I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner. I'm an artist. I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made. I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession. I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid. I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary. <-- like only during spring cleaning b4 cny lolx. im a dirty boy. I have pointy-ended ears. I have underwear every colour of the rainbow. I LOVE korean dramas. I colour-code my wardrobe. I own more than 20 pairs of shoes. I cry silently and get over things easily and quickly. <-- nooo. i take a long long time to get over things de. I love blasting linkin park at mum whenever she nags.
I love listening to jay chou music. not really love, but his songd are not bad lahs.
I love watching cartoons.
I love lame jokes. <-- haha dont think that im a weirdo.
I wish I was a tragic hero.<-- heh heh. i love being noble. reminds me of the lit definition of tragic hero: someone who is a hero but falls due to one fatal flaw of his/hers. something liddat.
I hate one of my best friends but s/he has no idea. <-- if i treat them as best friends then i wont hate them mahs...
who i want to do this:
Samuel Choudhury (though i dont think he will)
Yuxiang
Aaron
Wee Chern
Dun Jie, Yong Xian <-- notice i put them together! =P
Senior Class
i think a lot of ppl do le la. im one of the last few. so cant really think of anyone lehs.
voodoo-ed and killed at 8:11 PM
Thursday, March 09, 2006
since im so not going to do hmk for the last day of the term, decided to find some time to do the 2 quizzes that came up not long ago. think wenjie started it is it? dunno la. just begin lohz.
1. time of starting this?
11.43 pm
2. Were you named after anyone?
ehh. dont think so. my chinese name is like super duper common. oh my english is very popular, u see it super often in ur chem and phy =.= so is that counted?
3. Do you wish on stars?
Havent really seen a shooting star b4. but i do really like star-lit skies. they are really pretty and gets ppl really quieten down and admire them. saw that in hainan in sec 3 and nz camp last yr. hope i could capture that image manz.
4. When did you last cry?
Ehh. like this morning during the stupid posting meeting. a little bit only la. hope no one saw =x. and b4 that was during i not stupid too.
5. What is your fav meat?
hmm, either chicken or pork. more of chicken la. actually i dont think it's the preference, it's more of the availability. (pork rice anyone?)
6. What is your embarrassing CD on your shelf?
I guess there arent any... i mean i wont buy a cd if ill be embarrassed of it right... but if i were to choose. really cant think of any.
7. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
well. to be frank, i dont think so. i kinda hate my kind approach and not daring to speak up when there are disagreements. cos that ends up in hypocrisy (which ive been called like so many times cos i heard A badmouth B and vice versa but keep silent). but i mean it isnt my fault that i dont want to worsen their friendship? and am i very fake? i think mebbe ppl may think so, though im not. seriously.
8. Are you a daredevil?
Ehh. A BIG FAT DEFINITE NO. im a super hum ji person, usually likes to follow the majority. so can u imagine me breaking school rules or doing something out of the norm? take some time to think abt it, cos u'll never get the picture in ur mind. it just isnt going to happen.
9. How do you release anger?
Umm. mild level - sarcasm aka bitching. moderate level - cold war and daoing ppl. sounds very no kick? ya mebbe. cos it has a teeny weeny sharp increase here. serious level - *censored*
10. Where is your second home?
dont really have one... unless u count school where i spend loads of time or the interent which i enjoy the freedom on the net behind my comp. but still, home sweet home.
11. Do you trust others easily?
I guess so. dunno how many ppl said i was guillable. but i seriously dont think so when the things get serious. as in, u can trick me easily and play pranks on me, but when it comes to secrets and what-nots.. i try to know the person well enough b4 im willing to release my secret.
12. What was your fav toy as a child?
hmm. cant really rmb. i think i was quite fascinated with things that come in masses and a lot of colours and patterns.
replica watches like one whole bundle or painted icecream sticks and one whole box of animal design chops which i can play for the whole afternoon. dont ask me how i did it. but i guess thats the life of a computerless kid.
13. What subject in school do you think is totally useless?
I'll have to say CSP. as in, im OK with it la, it's not THHHHAAAAAT bad. but if i were to choose 1 subj, i guess my 4 H2s and GP place a higher priority right? (like duh.)
14. Do you use sarcarsm alot?
I guess so. to close frens la normally. given my kind approach to ppl when i get to first know them, i shouldnt exactly be using sarcasm to express how kind i am right...
15. Have you been in a mosh pit?
saya tak faham. wads that? *blur* no i guess?
16. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
definitely a nice personality and whether we are compatible in character. looks to me are secondary, serious. cos i dont really have any right to choose anyway(given my own looks). haha inferior complex. but hey, it's true!
17. Would you bungee jump?
Um. Um. Um. Will.... con...si...der.
18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
eh no lol. too lazy to bend down/sit down. just use toes to flick them off my feet lo..
19. What's your fav ice cream flavour?
i guess anything with mint is nice. chocolate is one of my hot favs. cookies and cream? aiyah, any kind of icecream also can de la. hao chi jiu hao.
20. What is your fav colour
um. dont snigger or something - orange and purple. (not that my wardrobe is full of purple stuff la. *just imagine. shudders*) cos i think they are special in the sense that they are not the primary colours like red blue yellow/green. fav clothes colour will have to be white or black. red and blue are fine too.
21. What is your least fav thing.
well. wad dont i like ah. quite a lot of stuff. but if i were to pinpoint the LEAST fav thing ah... myself. (lol dont go and bring me to a counsellor or something for self-loathing k =p)
22. i suppose this qn doesnt exist, as said by kwang guan (kouped this from his blog)
23. What do you miss most right now?
nothing much lehs... the only i can think of... mebbe NZ?
24. What are you listening to now?
i looped like dunno how many times since 10 le. Yi Sheng Jue Wang by Hong Jun Yang. i not stupid too song. i like it. but it kinda gets a bit sian after listening to abt 30 times... :S
25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Silver i guess. I find it special, to have a crayon with shiny surface :P can rmb when i was young, i used to guard my silver and gold crayon like anything during art lessons. they were like my PRECIOUSSSSSSS.
26. What is the weather right now?
night time. um and as i live a bit on a hill, kinda cold and dark lol. cant see the stars and moon from my window..
27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
um... yuxiang. abt the hwachong dunno wad award. have to write some writeup (which i forgone and is writing this now lol)
28. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
aha, thats a tricky question. cos they ask first, so it can only be looks loh, to be more specific... hair and eyes bahx.
29. another blankyy.
30. How are you today?
um, kinda wrong day to do this quiz i think. not too happy loh, cos someone's leaving the class ma. bochao lohs. but overall ok la, not sick or anything.
31. Fav drink?
bubble tea - peppermint. other drinks - no preference, mostly teas la. eg ice lemon tea, peach tea, apple tea, justea and goatee (no offence, wee chern! lolx)
32. Fav alcoholic drink?
dont really drink alcoholic drinks. dont have gd impression of them. mebbe cos the only alcoholic drinks i drink are horrible tasting lol.
33. Natural hair colour?
black
34. Wear contacts?
nope. dying to though. negotiating with parents. cos my specs are... xD
35. Eye colour?
black. blue/green/grey ones are cool i think.
36. Siblings?
elder bro and sis. both working. i live in a different era from them de.
37. Fav month
hmmm. december i guess. my bdae, christmas, holidays. shiok.
38. Last movie you watched.
i not stupid too. a bit no budget la. should be watching a show during the hols la.
39. Fav food.
ehh. dont really have preference leh. though i kinda hate kang kong. oh, i like chocolates i think. dark ones and mint ones.(that explains my size) not totally crazy abt them though.
40. Fav day of the year.
last day of school i guess? =)
41. Have you ever been too shy to ask some1 out?
defintely. it's a big YES. shant elaborate. nothing to elaborate anyway.
42. Scary movies or happy endings?
um...i prefer shows that make me cry. really like touching shows. *sobz*
43. Summer or winter?
summer. season of passion and warmth. the most action season i guess, full of life and vibrance. and u get a tan! (this is like so out of point. nvm.)
44. Hugs or kisses?
both are sweet. but if i were to choose, hugs are more solid and u can feel the warmth. more... "practical".
45. Do you want your friends to write back?
ya definitely. i nan2 de2 finally do the quiz liaos :D support support!
46. Who is most likely to respond?
shall koup the ans from dunno how many ppl - those who want to respond
47. Who is least likely to respond?
those who dont want to respond
48. What book/magazine are you reading?
umm. this is emabarrasing =.= marian keyes - the other side of the story. my angel buy for me de!
49. What's on your mouse pad?
um the words "mouse pad". (like duhhhhhh.)
50. What did you watch on TV last night?
hmmm. ming xing ou xiang lol. i missed the results show! grrr.
51. Fav smell?
no special preference leh. how abt a general one. smell of nature haha. the muddy soil and trees and grass and flowers. that da4 zi4 ran2 feel.
52. Do you regret after breaking up with some1?
i wont consider my case breakup. but if anyone has ever been together with me b4, it means that for a period of time i felt that she was compatible with me. so there should be regrets i think.
53. time of finishing?
12.32am. i dont believe im so slow, but who cares la. dont feel like doing work lol. sians. shall do the other quiz in future.
ya thats all. enjoyed digging into my life? lol. now it's ur turn... do the quiz mans!! post in up on ur blogss. =)
voodoo-ed and killed at 11:38 PM
i think im turning into a bitch. big time. it's like, i so dunno why la. i think stress is catching up on me. i used to think that im so smart and capable coping with so many ccas and thot of being able to actually cope like that. but i was wrong.
yes indeed, i can rush all abt the place for my various ccas, but by the time i get home at 7+, even 8+, i get so tired that i cant do any work at all. to be honest, i havent been doing my tutorials thoroughly recently, such as econs tut 11 (only forced it out last night), phy 2-d kinematics (i was one of those who stood up) and maths tut (bits and pieces done only). i think im getting too tired.
this is the taxing on my physical being. but emotionally and spritually, there are effects too. i feel guilty and worried abt my future attendance record if i only got 1 out of 2 days for the cca i.e. guitar. then now that comm serve from interact clashes with techmonix on thursdays, i really dunno wad to do.
other than the guilt, the tiring schedules i have to plough thru and facing my empty tutorials and fear of getting caught by teachers are stressful as well. and right after school, i chiong to some cca or another. thats why i get so frustrated and short-tempered nowadays i think. sorry to lim yuan, wee chern and chunkang. and whoever i was pissed with for a while. i didnt really mean it, i just want some things that will go my way - to balance out the number that arent.
im like a robot:
mon co
tue 4.30 end
wed co/guitar/interact
thu techmonix/interact
fri guitar
and the routine goes all over again on mon. i really dont want to be like a bitch anymore. i mean, i try and be nice and everything, but when things start going against me, i snap. my tolerance level has kinda dropped and dipped and plummeted tremendously. i get irritated quite easily nowadays i think. and thats not good.
pissing ppl off and making ppl irritated with me is definitely not my motive. argh, live. evil spelt backwards indeed.
to top it all, there has to be this stressful and emotionally taxing thing of class posting. im like so pissed with it la. i mean, why must such a thing happen! cos so much unnecessary tears and anger and frustration thruout the whole cohort. everyone's unhappy and sad. this is so not needed to end off term one. we need a happy ending, hello.
im not unhappy that we have new classmates, it's just why someone has to leave by force (although in the school's eyes, it's a "mutual swop"). they make rolling dice sound so the "utopian way of dealing with such issues". i mean ya, it's not biased or anything,
replica watches but leaving everything to luck? i dont think so. thus im feeling extra sad, not only cos bochao is leaving, is also a certain form of disappointment that everyone has to end up liddat.
i must say the famous saying " you nv cherish someone until he/she is gone" is totally accurate. i mean, i think today is the day that i spoke the most to bochao over the span of these 3 months. it's almost like ling2 shi2 bao4 fo2 jiao3. but i really want to preserve the memory that she was once our classmate, and she was the one who offered to leave the class and weaken (ill nv say break) the bonds so that wensi can return. heyhey, no blaming of anyone here, serious serious. it's no one's fault..
i thot it over already. i guess it's something we have to accept in life... i know everyone is still quite sad, in fact i still havent really gotten over it. but im scared if we cant accept this even now, i cant imagine what'll happen during grad night 2 yrs down the road. so... let's keep an optimistic mind after today k? let's release all our emotions tonight (im doing in the form of blogging loh), and wish bochao all the best in her new class tml! i think thats the correct way to do.
indeed im quite bu she de, but at least ive got to know her a little better on this very last day sh'es part of 6D. as wad sayings go, "tian1 xia4 wu2 bu4 san4 zhi1 yan2 xi2". so bochao, gambetteyo!! all the best in ur new class. we'll miss you, im sure. and we wont forget ur... "da4 en1 da4 de2"! =) (attempts to smile...)
p.s. poor thing dunjie, he practically forced it down upon u to make a choice la...
"ct rep, u either choose the current situation to stay put, roll the 30-sided dice, or BE THE ONE TO GO! you have 2 minutes to think abt it!"
really not stressed sia. i could have sworn the pressure and temperature increased loads during that 1 hr we were inside. not that it changes any ideal or real gases. =.=
voodoo-ed and killed at 11:00 PM
Saturday, March 04, 2006
thought number two. towards the end, as yesterday was the last day of the wake b4 today's cremation, we had to bring the offerings to one corner to burn. thru out the night, we have been just stoning and stuff. but during the burning of the offerings, we all gathered around the area.
initially it was all praying and muttering of the prayers, then the buring began. ill say, i havent seen a fire that big for a long time. within a short time, the flames built on the paper and started to grow, like a small child growing on nutrients within a short span of time. at its full height, the fire blazed in its one minute of glory, full of life and eating up the offerings like a hungry spirit, lapping at the edges of the paper and burning it to a crisp. a paper house and lots of joss offerings charred immediately and turned into ash.
soon the fire began to die down, satisfied and full. it had enough for the night. from a huge fire, it began to shrink and shrink. in no time at all, it was just small flames still licking at the ash, attempting to take away whats left of the paper. and it was silence.
chanel handbags the crackling stopped, and ambers in the ash were the only evidence that a huge fire had burnt and visited before. it was as though paper had just turned into ash within a short period of time, almost magically.
i cant help but think this is like our lives. we all grow stronger and wilder and fierecer, with that peak in our lives where we create the most impact on the world and other's lives. then as we grow old and generations after generations form behind us, they start to lead their own peaks in their lives, and u simply die down, till the day when even the ambers disappear amongst the ash... and you are gone just like that.
people can remember (like me) for a few days, a few weeks or even a few months. or years. but we cannot remember so vividly after such a long time, that's definite. all we can remember is that particular existence in our lives before. i guess this is the natural course of life. human beings are just made to be like that. we do not have super memory or anything like that. we have to learn to let go. and we naturally do anyway due to the restrictions in our memory.
yup. ill tend to agree with this view. better to know ur own limits and just live ur life well, making ppl rmb u, then trying to create too much a impact and make ppl remember u for hating u, just like how the fire would if it had gone out of control yesterday night. know urself, live ur life well and ppl shall rmb u for a short span of time for ur good. then after that, let go for them to live their own lives and let the cycle continue.
voodoo-ed and killed at 1:34 PM
wanted to blog yesterday. but was to tired when i came back and bathed finish at abt 1. super tired, like totally no energy. i practically crawled my way into the bathroom and out. i wonder if i bathed at all lol. anyway, why was i so late?
cos i went to my dad's third uncle (my grandpa's 3rd younger bro) funeral wake at pasir ris. i chionged home at 7+ after learning and teaching some guitar stuff with sean after guitar prac, and everyone was all ready to go. so i gobbled down my dinner (thankfully i have above average eating speed), and was done in abt 5-10 min.
i shant elaborate much abt what happened there, cos there really wasnt anything much to say. basically we just sat around there, eating peanuts =.= and sweets (the typically kind la, those who attended b4 should know). then they served some food. bascially lots of relatives catching up. however, the whole "experience" yesterday gave me quite a lot of thoughts. haha this also brings in a little abt my family past i guess.
thought number one. abt how little relatives i thought i knew. thru out my years on the earth, we always go to specific houses for cny. so under my impression, i only knew my parent's direct siblings as my relatives (my uncles and aunties basically). but yesterday, there were at least 30 to 40 relatives that were related to my dad, mostly HIS cousins. thats not to mention all their children, which added another similar bulk of ppl. so did THEIR children, which made it one generation younger than me.
i come from a family with much older siblings, havbing an age gap of 11 and 13 yrs. thats why both my bro and my sis can rmb ever so vaguely some of the uncles and aunties around, as our whole family lived in the kampong in the past. for realyl quite a long time i guess. at least 10 yrs for my siblings. so they have this roughly familiarity i guess.
after we all split up into hdb flats and went our separate ways, contact became minimal, perhaps even none at all. thats why i have nv seen so many our my relatves b4. just a random fact, my dad's 2nd uncle had 11 children. imagine. thats how many grandchildren and great-grandchildren added together.
this provokes some kind of feeling in me. a form of what i would say "ignorance". like i missed out on the kampong days and eventually missing out on lots of memories. and that has finally answered my questions on why sometimes im treated like a "stranger" to my relatives. cos i have nv seen them b4! and they dont rmb me either i guess. and also i understand why my uncles and aunties (whom i know, and go to bai nian for cny) treat my siblings more closely than i do.
louis vuitton handbags im almost not their generation, to put in a certain way. 11-13 yrs is enough to make a lot of difference to me.
but i cannot blame them or anything. it's nobody's fault. in fact it's not a fault at all. it's just. i didnt exist during those times when bonding and closeness was established in the kampong, thats all. yupp. so it's ok if i just cant relate to my relatives or cousins lo... after all, i havent been in much contact with them anyway.
this again provokes another thought in me. abt how some of my frens they know their cousins so well and add them on msn blabla. go out, watch movie. like super duper close frens. as for me, the only thing i know abt my cousins are their names fitting their faces. dunno hp no. dunno email. dunno bdae. nv go out. nv chat. nv sms. nv celebrate bdae. only meet during 2 occasions, cny and my grandparent's death anniversary.
suddenly i feel that im missing out on a hugggggge part of my life where other enjoy. i cant help but think of one post by wenjie not long ago with some pix of him playing at the void deck with his cousins. i can rmb this cos i rmb chatting with him halfway when he said he was going to accompany his cousins to go downstairs to play. and i know how close chee yang is to his cousins, who supports him all the way in his css days (which is like now still la).
to make it kinda worse, my siblings dont seem to experience this at all. they can relate to my older cousins (20+ la, not really old) so well, always chatting and tokking during such occasions. but me... i dunno whats happening. think it's my own fault i guess. i still can remember ever so clearly in the past past past, when me and my cousins were playing toys and having lots of fun... but now, we all "matured" and just greet each other politely and leave it to our parents to tok tok tok while we just stone at a corner, eating some tidbits and drink lots of soft drinks.
as though we are drowning our "sorrows" in "wine".
i dont really know if anyone of u reading can understand. but im starting to think of the "consequences" if this goes on. it'll be what the previous generation is experiencing now, their children knowing no other relatives due to the drifting apart. worse still, without the inital togetherness in the kampong. and im one of these "victims".
voodoo-ed and killed at 1:06 PM