Tuesday, July 31, 2007
林俊杰 - 大男人小女孩
不是我的错我们都听过
完美的时候要更多
找这时候说的太多
有时候的我
只想和你一样沉默
不想单单罗罗嗦嗦
水也灭不掉的火
也许大男人真的很男人
少了点风度还是不承认
有时候错的并不知道错的
不想借口只是直接一点说
有时候女孩没那么小孩
心里的无奈也需要点关怀
遗憾的遗留变成勉强了
怎么能重新再来
不是我的错我们都听过
完美的时候要更多
找这时候说的太多
有时候的我
只想和你一样沉默
不想单单罗罗嗦嗦
水也灭不掉的火
也许大男人真的很男人
少了点风度还是不承认
有时候错的并不知道错的
不想借口只是直接一点说
有时候女孩没那么小孩
心里的无奈也需要点关怀
遗憾的遗留变成勉强了
怎么能重新再来
也许大男人没那么男人
少了点风度还是不承认
有时候错的并不知道错的
不想借口只是直接一点说
有时候女孩没那么小孩
心里的无奈也需要点关怀
遗憾的遗留变成勉强了
怎么能重新再来
voodoo-ed and killed at 9:07 PM
haha life after qing gong yan has been rather boring. so dont really have much to say la. btw, prelims are just around the corner, so i guess it's time to start mugging.
soon.
recently i have no idea why, but on some classmates' blogs and class blogs there have been tags on miss each other. haha cos of that i cant help but think, our jc lives are really coming to an end le. yes, although there are like a few more months to go, with 2 more major (and i really mean MAJOR) exams to handle and mug for, but the time to really have fun and enjoy our times together as one class is really coming to an end le.
haha i don't want it to end so soon! 2 years fly by like anything. and i really mean fly. in the blink of an eye, it's coming to an end le. at the back of my mind, i still have vivid images of the numerous outings we had, from movie outings to house visits to parties haha. 06S6D was a whole lot of fun. indeed.
but let's not all get teary-eyed so soon! there's still some time left haha. so we must cherish wadeva time we have left as a class, going from lectures to tutorials, then to lectures, and to more tutorials. staying after school, stoning at the class benches.
chanel handbags all these things that used to be mundane and boring to us, somehow makes me so tempted to go through the whole routine once again. how i wish time can turn back haha.
but yeah, must make good use of the remaining days we have together (lol sounds like we gonna leave each other for good liddat). in the face of prelims, hopefully we can have one last really nice/fun outing during the national day week. hopefully everyone dont pangseh and go for this one outing we can have before the mugging and studying occupies our time 24/7.
so yeah, everyone dont emo yet! lol. enjoy the remaining one month we have! =))
voodoo-ed and killed at 8:40 PM
Sunday, July 22, 2007
there. after holding it back like 3 times in the past two weeks, i can't control it anymore. and just let it go. seriously, i dunno why i havent done it the first time. all the wrong times perhaps. and now is the right time. mebbe thats why.
and i thought i was ok. apparently not. and although i tell myself it seems to get better day after day, i think in actual fact it is getting worse and worse. thought to myself that i found out all the reasons causing my unhappiness, but seems that i havent found them all. feeling ups and downs, but not knowing the reason why. this time i'm totally clueless.
need some quiet time to myself and be alone bah i guess. need a break from all the efforts to smile and trying to pretend everything's alright. i know im not a good actor at all, but i do try. but i doubt i can continue tml. hopefully i still do.
but really amidst all these, yesterday's hcco qing gong yan really made me feel very happy. and i really enjoyed myself. though it may seem like a simple gathering of hcco members, the seniors and juniors, and just turning the whole place into a gambling den liddat (lol), the meaning behind it, at least to me, is great.
haha thanks to tanbo juniors for ur nice gifts, with that very huggable cushion and set of messages from all of u. was reading them on the bus on the way back and felt very gan dong haha. YOU GUYS ROCK! =) hope u like the cds we prepared for u all!
farewell to szuan zhiguang peizhi koymin michelle jielun yanzhi shixian kengwei weishi tingjun. you have been a real fun junior batch and i really enjoyed ur company for these 7 months. time always seem to fly when u are enjoying urself, and goodbye seems to be the hardest word. but still, it has to be said. CYA juniors! MAY THE LEGACY OF HORNY UNITED LAST FOREVER AND EVER!
as for fellow batchmates, u have been a wonderful bunch as well, with quite a number i've known all the way since sec 1. esp tanbo peeps. u all been wonderfully fun to have and i'm gonna miss all the tanbo outings and fun we've had.
chanel handbags lionel yuting samuel shouhao chuanhan stella weiquian marilyn zhangxin siewching jiani. u all are really the most ZAI bunch of ppl and i'm really glad to have known you all =D we'll get to come together someday de, i'm sure. hahas.
here's a song from way back since i was in pri sch and we used it for our p6 farewell party. but the lines just seem so apt for this occasion, so here i am writing it out again.
Vitamin C - Graduation (Friends Forever)
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
[Chorus]
As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever
So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
[Repeat Chorus]
La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
[Repeat Chorus (3x)]
and i was telling myself not to emo abt leaving hcco. lol.
We will still be,
Friends Forever.
goodbye,
HCCO.
voodoo-ed and killed at 11:46 PM
Thursday, July 19, 2007
hmm decided to abandon my work and come and blog. had to do something to replace that emo post previously haha.
abt wad i was stressed abt, thought it thru liao. if they dont show concern for u, find ppl who will. if u feel ignored, just go tok to ppl who will talk to u. if life feels meaningless to u, find something to liven it up. i dont think im someone who's hated by loads of ppl (or at least i hope), so im sure ill be able to find ppl i can fall back on even if some friendships dont work out. and it's not that i've fallen out with them or anything, so i have no right to feel upset over it. just... retreat as wad ive done for the 2nd or 3rd time in these 2 years and get on with life with others. i dont want to feel like a parasite anymore. yup, so i guess it's another smart decision gone underway. why torture urself when u cant continue with it. just let go and other friends will be there for u. argh, why do i always get affected over this kind of rubbish. insignificant somemore. it pisses me off when i get so easily influenced by such small matters.
as for the other matter, also felt better abt it liao. if i failed to do it this time, and i know it is to a large extent my own fault, then i have no reason to blame anyone else for it and bear the consequences myself loh. i can always try again when the next opportunity comes along. i shouldnt feel sore abt it just cos others seem to succeed and ride on the skies while im just crawling on the ground like some slow tortoise. they have put in a lot of effort to get their achievements i guess. so i have no rights to complain if i havent felt that i worked hard enough for it. but, it's just scary that there arent many more chances left for me to work hard for.
ah just forget it. i feel better now and let's just leave it at that.
anyway last sat went for grand seniors outing at clarke quay. j1s had jielun shixian szuan and michelle, j2s had lionel shouhao samuel tan and me. seniors had quite a lot, weijie grace luoling xiquan jingyi jiawen weizhi nicholas kaixiang, ranging from 01-07 in total. 6 years of snrs/jnrs. kewl haha. so we went fisherman's wharf for dinner. basically they only sold fish and chips, with several kinds of fishes and 2 types of chips, chips or fries haha. we ordered the cheapest one la, and it tasted gd enough already. nt bad, i would say. might go back again. the ambience also quite nice la, whirring fans, wooden tables and chairs, and a huge oil painting of fishermen fishing on the walls as wallpaper.
after that we wanted to go tcc to just chill out and chat, but it was full, so we went to the riverside and sat down in a circle while we waited for tcc's call to inform us of any available seats. shouhao brought his guitar, so we were like listening to him play and form dumb lyrics haha. songs on quite a lot of us la haha,
louis vuitton handbags so we kinda got our own song thx to shouhao's ingenious lyric composing. haha. but then again, he kinda showed us how easy it is to make a pop song lol. makes me all the more motivated to learn some guitar man! how cool will that be if i managed to come up with some proper lyrics and with suitable guitar progressions, it'll become a song!
there are quite a lot of pubs around there and one of them had a very good live singer! we walked past that pub quite a lot of times and seriously, all the songs he sing are very nice haha. relaxing too. and there was this pub with tv screens showing lame jokes haha. supposedly dirty, but i didnt understand like half of them. so defeats the purpose lol.
anyway quite a lot of us ordered beverages at tcc. wanted to order some mint frappe, but somehow it never came, so aiya just forget it and save the money. jielun ordered the same thing, so at least i got to try it la haha. tastes kinda good. anyway we were playing zong ji mi ma (somehow our 3rd most fav game following bridge and gei wo tempo, mebbe 4th due to chop chilli), and the forfeits began from truth or dare to simple dare or dare haha. heng i never tio la, didnt know the seniors so hiong haha, was hearing them say how their forfeits included prank calling someone and never telling the person it was a prank. omg that must have been super malu. but thankfully we didnt have that. but the seniors really good sports la haha, like how kaixiang and xiquan passed a small cookie by mouth with like 7-8 phones taking their videos. then we will have this 5 min interval between each forfeit where we will be bluetoothing each other the better quality videos. haha. the forfeits even included kissing lah! haha samuel should know wad i mean =P.
anyway it was quite late and i didnt know how to get back cos weirdly, i saw 961 to kallang on one side of the bus stop, but when i went over to the other side, no 961 in the list of buses >.<. so i totally tikum my way home, by taking some bus that will supposedly bring me to litle india station, 166 or 851. so i boarded 851. but along the way, i saw 166 turn in another direction la! so i was like omg, the bus routes not accurate one. but thankfully 851 went by bugis and stopped at the bus stop i always take from bugis! and i took wad i think is the last or 2nd last 170 cos it was 12am and the last bus was supposedly at 12:10. yeah so super tyco. i thot i had to spend the $$ i saved from not drinking the mint frappe on taxi home la. whew.
***
the class is somehow quite tense recently. lots of things happening and all. so much so that i dunno wad exactly is going on and wad i can do abt it anymore. just hope the tension can ease and things can go back to normal (to some extent). looking back at how much fun our class had last year, i really wish that time can turn backwards and we can all go back to how we were like last year, all the fun and laughter. simply enjoying life haha. but i guess that's impossible.
things can never go back to the way it used to be.
still i hope everything will turn out ok. hate to see the class in such a state.
voodoo-ed and killed at 12:25 AM
Saturday, July 14, 2007
i'm so fucking stressed out i dunno how to handle it anymore.
and it's damn irritating, cos im just getting frustrated over a bunch of the most insignificant things. the most trivial and minor ones.
but somehow they combine to have such a big impact on me.
i hate that.
and everyday i just hang around like a zombie. no mood for anything.
wtf.
i dunno how long more i can last.
wadever man, just take it one step at a time.
and if just one day, i snap, then i guess that's too bad.
it's just too bad.
voodoo-ed and killed at 1:14 PM
Friday, July 13, 2007
havent blogged for some time. shall do so since it's the wkend haha.
hmm mon was the last prac for CO le. my last prac for hcco. haha after that the whole bunch of us went to kap for CO dinner. omg la i think there were like 40 ppl min? cool lol. i never had such a big bunch of ppl storming in to kap b4 lol. sat with quite a gd mix of jnrs and batch mates haha, koymin jielun shixian chuanhan stella weixin jiangchuan etcetc. we practically like open gambling den liddat, abt 3-4 tables of bridge haha, until they stopped us and chased us out. sian-ed.
then tue was the syf showcase. went with sam stella chuanhan to chuanhan's house to get her performance attire before going bukit batok kopitiam for lunch and buy cake for peizhi's bdae. omg la i ate CHAO duo. crazy one. plate of cai4 fan4, curry puff, prima deli waffle, fried rice (for dinner) and the cake that day. imba =.= all samuel tan's fault for tempting me lol.
after that went to SCH. had a fun time listening to yanzhi's ipod and all his chn songs. now then i know he was such an avid chn song listener! lol. shall ask him for all the new songs liao. he knows like songs that i have never heard b4 lah haha. then hurried to the tuning room cos we were late, prac a bit there, then somehow after lots of rushing up and downstairs, we were suddenly at the foyer waiting to go in liao. they like making a fool out of us liddat, keepy making us go up and down. anyway after the 1st 2 performances, our turn le loh.
i thought the song went fine. we always seem to be able to do it. screw up all the way until the actual thing, where everything will go ok and we will shine on stage haha. i think the last note of that night will always be embedded in my heart. the resounding gong which we didnt get to use during syf cos of time limit. so whoever who was at the syf showcase that night, i think u all got a treat haha. cos it was damn shiok to end the song with that note. a note that signifies the end of the song, the end of our participation in syf, the end of our membership of hcco and "promoting" to alumni, and for quite a lot of us, the END OF CO IN OUR LIVES.
so i would say it's a damn gd note to end our co life with. the long resounding echo of the gong ringing in the concert hall after we have played our last note, signifying that even though we've stopped being in CO physically, our passion and love for it will be like the resounding echo, always continuing and lasting. haha ok im getting a bit carried away here. anyway, went back to mph via the bus and quite nice to see all the pipa ppl coming together to play a song haha. i think it's really super nice, like so united and having fun playing together liddat. a bit regret ruan didnt do that also haha. stoned super long outside mph cos the key was with andrea who was in the combined CO performance. but might as well, cos quite a lot of us took a lot of photos, as perfect memories to take away with us in this last HCCO performance we will be involved with. then after that went in and packed and ppl started leaving. so we had to say our last goodbyes to MPH haha. somewhere where i spent my 4 sec sch years in, followed by another year in j2 when we moved over from lt3. somewhere we can really call our home cos we can never feel this sense of belonging if we were to stay in lt3.
CO life. coming to a hiatus at least, if not the end for quite a lot of us liao. hopefully i'll pick it up again thru some avenue or another, and not let all my efforts spent in this 9 years go to waste. it's hard to let go of something u've been with since p4. and i think for some even longer than that. gdbye to HCCO haha. but shall only say our last goodbyes during qing gong yan, which is really the last event we'll take part as hcco members.
thur had ns checkup. went with sam and ryan. went there early only to find out it only promptly starts at 1 -.-. so had to stone at reception area. just chat and tok cok loh lol. waited super long at the medicial examination also. like the number to see the doctor permanently wont change one la. we knew cos we were 2nd 3rd and 4th, then even the 1st guy havent go in. the comp test really take super long.
chanel handbags and i think i totally fail lol, didnt complete a lot of sections. haha but got something damn funny. i was doing the speed test (which was damn easy and quite fun la haha), when some guy a few comps away from me suddenly ask, "u ALSO anyhow press one ah?" lol. and apparently he really anyhow press la cos he started later than me and he completed when i was at the 5th-6th test? lmao.
after that went to botak jones with sam while ryan went for caregrp. haha apparently he finds it nice too, cos we both finished our food lol =D. but felt mega full after that haha. so decided to exercise lol. rest awhile at his house before going to play badminton. haha my skills now cmi liao. i like damn weak la, hardly get it across to the other side of the court. and now my left arm hurts lawl. like pain when i clench my fist. >.<
today went with wenjie peishan pengsing dunjie to plaza sing to watch transformers (ok la a bit lag, but at least we caught it can?). haha wad can i say, it's just super nice lah. way way way better than i expected it to be. and the robots look really genuine haha. and the transforming animation super cool. it's just a v nice movie la, totally dont regret watching it. kk now harry potter is next up on the list...
more results coming back. guess bt2 results are quite fixed liao la. around there le. nth much i can do abt it anymore. just gotta buck up for prelims i guess.
voodoo-ed and killed at 10:10 PM
Thursday, July 05, 2007
vexed.
actually i also dont really have any idea why so. just feeling down cos of these few days. cos of sch reopening? cos of having showcase and not feeling like catching up with school work after going home late each night? or cos of results? i dont even have an idea.
guess sad song therapy's up for tuning in to tonight.
my mum is already like asking me abt getting ready for prelims. after i told her how badly im going to screw up for this block test. why dont i feel any sense of urgency? and now due to having cca everyday, i just slack the night away after coming back. just lack the motivation to do any work. totally.
i know it's stupid to blog abt this. but i have like no other avenues to rant liao. then as i look back at my jc life, i think i practically have no achievements these 2 years. just this plain ordinary guy. any tom dick harry u can pick in hwachong. oh scratch that, i bet anyone u pick in the school will have like more achievements than me.
and looking at that, i wonder wad use will i be of if i screw up my results even. then ill be like nothing at all. this useless failure. and hey u know wad? i am screwing up very badly for blocks. like seriously dead.
and at the end of these 2 years. ill like have totally nothing. nothing like in records or anything official. plus a screwed A-level cert. hah. that'll be me. someone who totally screwed up his jc life by not working hard or attempting to participate in more stuff.
oh crap. im starting to rant like rubbish. this is a stupid post. just pretend u have never read it. i think ill take it off after i feel better.
(i think it's just a case of zibei-ing over my results. i prepared to see none of my subjects having more than 20 percentile.)
btw, listening to this song recently. quite nice to listen to tonight.
王力宏-
落叶归根举头望无尽灰云
那季节叫做寂寞
背包塞满了家用
路就这样开始走
日不见太阳的暖
夜不见月光的蓝
不得不选择寒冷的开始
留下只拥有遗憾
命运的安排
遵守自然的逻辑
谁都无法揭谜底
喔~远离家乡不甚唏嘘
幻化成秋夜
而我却像
落叶归根坠在你心间
几分忧郁几分孤单
都心甘情愿
我的爱像
落叶归根家唯独在你身边
举头望无尽灰云
那季节叫做寂寞
背包塞满了家用
路就这样开始走
日不见太阳的暖
夜不见月光的蓝
不得不选择寒冷的开始
留下只拥有遗憾
命运的安排
遵守自然的逻辑
谁都无法揭谜底
喔~远离家乡不甚唏嘘
幻化成秋夜
而我却像
落叶归根坠在你心间
几分忧郁几分孤单
都心甘情愿
我的爱像
落叶归根家唯独在你身边
但愿陪你找回
所遗失的永恒
当我开口你却沈默
只剩一场梦
我却像
落叶归根坠在你心间
几分忧郁几分孤单
都心甘情愿
我的爱像
落叶归根家唯独在你身边
voodoo-ed and killed at 11:08 PM