Sunday, February 21, 2010
this is probably really overdue. valentine's day was like a week ago. but went to catch valentine's day with 6d classmates today as a super last min outing after house visiting. went with wensi yushan puayhian dunjie zhiyong ruiyuan.
hmm i'm not going to elaborate anything abt the movie. the plot is so complicated (there are 5 storylines intertwined in the movie), so i shan't bother with that. though wensi is right to say that this is all just fictional, and probably presents all the ideal relationships, and real-life relationships never go that way anyway, but somehow i just can't help but feel a twitch in the heart.
hmm mebbe i'm starting to really grow up liao lol. i probably hardly ever given relationships any thought at all. i guess it's probably due to my self-esteem (low obviously), which comes from quite a number of reasons la, mostly physical appearances i should think. haha it's something no one can run away from, no matter how good it may sound that "looks don't matter, what matters comes from within the heart". so that, coupled with the fact that no one has ever expressed anything at all, it's kinda no wonder i'm still what i am today. single. haha.
er im not despo hor, seriously. and im not trying to be emo here. it's just... something that came to mind after various events that happened to friends around me, and the movie was kinda the final straw. of cos, not every relationship is all lovey-dovey, but from the steady relationships, to the occasional quarrels,
louis vuitton handbags to the huge break-up rows, to even the pure simple crushes on ppl, some of these around me have kinda reminded me time and again, shouldn't i be giving this some thought?
i guess different people just have different ways of life. some ppl just get attached to one after another, and break-ups never daunt them. some ppl get quite badly hurt after one bad relationship, then takes a very ong time to heal before they are willing to accept anyone else again. some ppl have high expectations, and therefore it's hard for them to find anyone they deem fit. some ppl try and try to no avail, and it's somehow just hard to find anyone at all. and some ppl, just live their life as though relationships aren't existent, and live happily just having friends and family. they are the ones who think they got everything under control and finding the other half is of no significant importance to them. or so they pretend.
and of cos, some ppl get attached and they know that they have found their partner for life.
somehow i just seem to blind myself from that possible outcome lol. always falling into the category of pretending not to care and never really bother to go look for one, cos i think deep down i'm truly afraid i'll end up being the group who try and try and nothing will ever work out. i guess it's a way of shielding myself from possible damage, by just not involving myself in any relationships at all. it's kind of similar to a porcupine, or a tortoise, when i just hide under my spikes and in my shell, not willing to reach out to anyone that i may like at all.
lol this is getting mushy. i prob never wrote anything like this before. cos i've been trying to avoid. and i also dunno where i'm going with this post. it's prob just to serve as a reminder that, relationships do play a big part in my life, and is something that cannot be neglected. unless i decide to stay single for my whole life and die a lonely man lol. ok la it's kinda way too early to start saying all this rubbish.
but still. perhaps it's time to shed off that layer of spikes and come out from my shell already.
voodoo-ed and killed at 3:06 AM
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
there are tons of events that happen that are probably a lot more significant and important than this, but i feel i just had to blog it. sorry for letting that previous emo post hang there as the current post for so long, i've grown out of that shortly after ever since i attended a course my bro and sis both went for and asked me to go. due to time constraints i probably cant continue, due to meet joel tong (yay fellow TIP intern) in an hour plus...
i just discovered that running in the rain can be so therapeutic.
ok i know it's probably damn random, but i just had to say it. went for a jog just now, after feeling super guilty for the cny goodies intake, and good positive motivation from weekian and weechern (amazingly both wee! lol). was quite pissed off by the current roadworks on the bukit timah mrt line which will not exactly really benefit me since i'm like stuck in the middle of 2 mrt stations, which are both not that within walking distance (talk about bad luck and bad location of residence), as it had disrupted my running route more than once. so decided to chiong and do a u-turn after coming to the roadblock, resulting in a longer distance than usual. (ok la, i've done two full rounds before when i was still fitter, so it's "supposed" to be do-able.)
so during the u-turn, well no prizes for this, it started to drizzle. and the weather is still damn hot. now plus humid. even worse. then run some more. then rain more heavily. then run some more. then DOWNPOURRRRR. like seriously. i dont think i was ever caught in a downpour, cos i usually always have an umbrella with me. so this kinda like a first. and i'm like super tired already,
louis vuitton handbags having ran more than what i intended to, and it's after a longgggg hiatus (i had a really packed schedule, so havent run for damn long). so i was mega dulan. like frigging angry. and frustrated. and thinking, for crying out loud, how suay can i get. there were totally no signs it was going to rain la can.
then came the sense of helplessness, fatigue and despair. (okok im exaggerating this lol.) i was like, "omg there's still so long more to go before i reach back to my estate..." and there's a omg-ly steep slope right at the entrance of my estate >.< well i dunno what came over me after that, but after seeing how other ppl also chiong to their destinations despite the rain, and not like hiding at the nearest bus stops or wad, my mindset changed. i began to feel a weird sense of empowerment. like suddenly i tell myself i can do it. so i just chionged. and i can tell u, distance doesnt matter loh seriously. the distance i ran may not be very far, but when one chiongs ah, it's seriously damn tiring. LIKE SERIOUSLY. my legs feel like jelly now. esp cos most of the last part of the route was downslope. (i was counting on that to give myself an excuse to walk the last stretch la. in the end... >.<)
but even though my legs are damn chui now, there's this sense of satisfaction i cant describe within me. ok la, it's really quite stupid come to think of it haha. but somehow i just felt happy i managed to finish wad i set out to do. you know, like with this fighting spirit and determination within u, u will just get to ur destination. this is actually very similar to what i learnt during the basic course, where intention is all you need to achive the results that you want, and mechanisms are really really minor when compared to intention. obstacles become an excuse and justification for you not to work for your goals, and in the end one will just forever stay in his comfort zone, not willing to step out and take a risk to do something different. i dunno if i will fall sick after this (wasn't really too well already, since i got quite heaty after all the cny goodies), but for now, i'll have no regrets loh. and this is what is important. the sense of fulfillment and achieving one's aims.
that voice in you to break through all obstacles, knowing your destination is just right ahead within reach.
uh this may sound totally retarded to certain ppl, well mainly cos i dunno how exactly to express how i felt in words. but i don't really care what ppl think anymore. as long as for me, i think that the lessons i've gained from this seemingly trivial matter feels invaluable to me. that's all that matters. just wanted to share la, if anyone who reads this can roughly understand wad i mean, great, if not, just ignore the post bah...
ok im like running late. need to get stuck in the peak hour traffic too. hope to find some time to properly sit down and blog abt the numerous things that happened in the past month. it's been a really crazy month. new friends, new discoveries about myself, new attitudes towards life, new determination to achieve the results i want, new closer forged friendships, new enlightenment about many many things in life. i think my basic course friends and ppl like hanzong, bernard and ruiyuan will probably understand what i mean...
lastly, just wanted to say to everyone, albeit quite belated haha. happy chinese NEW year!
it's a brand new beginning.
voodoo-ed and killed at 7:13 PM
VOODOO-ED.
life is like a needle.
a voodoo needle.
it pricks.
and it hurts.
every passing day,
it will find its way to prick me.
the moment i felt
the lethal injection enter my body,
i knew it was over.
this curse has been embedded into me,
not going to be lifted anytime soon.
for the next couple of decades at least.
it's too late.
don't start regretting.
the curse of life begins.
everything is no longer the same,
anymore.
try to accept it.
(i know i'm trying.)
i've been voodoo-ed.
and now,
i'm just waiting
for the effects to take place,
for the day to come.
waiting, for the curse to befall upon me.
simply waiting,
to meet my doom.
life's never the same again.
i'm voodoo-ed. and killed.