ok i am totally freaking out.
although atec is over (oh gosh that feels like quite long ago), things following that seem to be stressing me out non-stop. in particular non-army related stuff.
done my applications for scholarships and universities very last min. now i suppose is just to wait for their reply, but for applications like nus, i kinda submitted too late. so now my document status is NOT RECEIVED. i dunno is till now still haven't receive or they just rejected the document cos it's probably overdue (i only submitted the document last min, so i dunno if it reached them by 1 april). so now, omg! do i have to wait till next yr or smth? omgomgomg. freakking out.
next, driving. it's been eonsssss and yet the online booking facility still appears to me, all slots have been taken. oh pls, for april + may + june? that makes it a totally of like 91 days. and 8 sessions per day. ok even if u take away some for public hols and sundays. that still leaves u with plenty of slots k! but the slots are not available. nope. none. na-da. NIL. at this rate, what if by the end of the year still no chance? means my membership will expire and ill prob have to apply again to renew, add that cost to a renewal of a PDL... it can amount up to 3 digits la. wth.
as if practical sessions aren't freaking me out with their non-availability, now im freaking out with the FTT being too early. booking it at the end of mth now seems way way too early (considering i can't book a single lesson for uh.. 91 days?). then with the stupid evaluation requirement, somemore must at least 14 days b4. which means i gotta pass it by this wkend. OH GOSH. and i haven't even read finish the book once yet. like seriously. do i have any reason NOT to freak out??
regarding scholarships and unis. i've already been shot down by one, and prob nus too, seeing that my status does not look optimistic (not received). now what if i get one without the other... the most stressful one would prob have to be overseas uni without a scholarship.
louis vuitton handbags cos ill prob not be able to afford, and im going to give it up just like that? also local uni with single degree. i mean thats pretty fine with me, just that will i still get the chance and choice to take up the 2nd one if i dont get it this time? what if somehow my uni life doesnt allow me to do so? or horrible results? so im going to be condemned never to try out that curriculum again? aiya i dunno la >.<
with driving so screwed up, i can't concentrate on learning any other things also. been meaning to pick up a skill for ages, decided to go ahead with driving since i guess it's more practical than other stuff like, languages and music and such. so now im neither here or there. it's kinda back to the all along dilemma of not achieving anything in these 2 yrs. arghhhh. ill really hate myself if i end up not doing anything. 9 mths to go... should i be happy cos it's going to be over (ok this is like quite duh, who wouldnt be?), or do i only have 9 mths left to put up this facade, this excuse, this lie, this front to hide that actually i can't do anything proper with my life meaningfully. that after that ill probably move on to waste my 8 mths prior to uni as well, just like that.
you know what? i think i might really be right.
dammit.