i think im turning into a bitch. big time. it's like, i so dunno why la. i think stress is catching up on me. i used to think that im so smart and capable coping with so many ccas and thot of being able to actually cope like that. but i was wrong.

yes indeed, i can rush all abt the place for my various ccas, but by the time i get home at 7+, even 8+, i get so tired that i cant do any work at all. to be honest, i havent been doing my tutorials thoroughly recently, such as econs tut 11 (only forced it out last night), phy 2-d kinematics (i was one of those who stood up) and maths tut (bits and pieces done only). i think im getting too tired.

this is the taxing on my physical being. but emotionally and spritually, there are effects too. i feel guilty and worried abt my future attendance record if i only got 1 out of 2 days for the cca i.e. guitar. then now that comm serve from interact clashes with techmonix on thursdays, i really dunno wad to do.

other than the guilt, the tiring schedules i have to plough thru and facing my empty tutorials and fear of getting caught by teachers are stressful as well. and right after school, i chiong to some cca or another. thats why i get so frustrated and short-tempered nowadays i think. sorry to lim yuan, wee chern and chunkang. and whoever i was pissed with for a while. i didnt really mean it, i just want some things that will go my way - to balance out the number that arent.

im like a robot:
mon co
tue 4.30 end
wed co/guitar/interact
thu techmonix/interact
fri guitar

and the routine goes all over again on mon. i really dont want to be like a bitch anymore. i mean, i try and be nice and everything, but when things start going against me, i snap. my tolerance level has kinda dropped and dipped and plummeted tremendously. i get irritated quite easily nowadays i think. and thats not good.

pissing ppl off and making ppl irritated with me is definitely not my motive. argh, live. evil spelt backwards indeed.

to top it all, there has to be this stressful and emotionally taxing thing of class posting. im like so pissed with it la. i mean, why must such a thing happen! cos so much unnecessary tears and anger and frustration thruout the whole cohort. everyone's unhappy and sad. this is so not needed to end off term one. we need a happy ending, hello.

im not unhappy that we have new classmates, it's just why someone has to leave by force (although in the school's eyes, it's a "mutual swop"). they make rolling dice sound so the "utopian way of dealing with such issues". i mean ya, it's not biased or anything, replica watches but leaving everything to luck? i dont think so. thus im feeling extra sad, not only cos bochao is leaving, is also a certain form of disappointment that everyone has to end up liddat.

i must say the famous saying " you nv cherish someone until he/she is gone" is totally accurate. i mean, i think today is the day that i spoke the most to bochao over the span of these 3 months. it's almost like ling2 shi2 bao4 fo2 jiao3. but i really want to preserve the memory that she was once our classmate, and she was the one who offered to leave the class and weaken (ill nv say break) the bonds so that wensi can return. heyhey, no blaming of anyone here, serious serious. it's no one's fault..

i thot it over already. i guess it's something we have to accept in life... i know everyone is still quite sad, in fact i still havent really gotten over it. but im scared if we cant accept this even now, i cant imagine what'll happen during grad night 2 yrs down the road. so... let's keep an optimistic mind after today k? let's release all our emotions tonight (im doing in the form of blogging loh), and wish bochao all the best in her new class tml! i think thats the correct way to do.

indeed im quite bu she de, but at least ive got to know her a little better on this very last day sh'es part of 6D. as wad sayings go, "tian1 xia4 wu2 bu4 san4 zhi1 yan2 xi2". so bochao, gambetteyo!! all the best in ur new class. we'll miss you, im sure. and we wont forget ur... "da4 en1 da4 de2"! =) (attempts to smile...)



p.s. poor thing dunjie, he practically forced it down upon u to make a choice la...
"ct rep, u either choose the current situation to stay put, roll the 30-sided dice, or BE THE ONE TO GO! you have 2 minutes to think abt it!"

really not stressed sia. i could have sworn the pressure and temperature increased loads during that 1 hr we were inside. not that it changes any ideal or real gases. =.=