crapppz. bitching time returns. it must be this thing abt school. when lack of sleep and loads of stuff starts piling up on u, u'll just seem to be very bad-tempered of sorts. occasionally hanging out with frens help, but thats mebbe like every thurs or something.

things in school are getting to me nowadays. perhaps even like biting. first comes the results. i dunno wad problem there is, but i havent even managed to see anything abt chem blocks. if she dares to not give back anything tml, i may just lose my patience and flare up.

ok cool down cool down.

phy is screwed up. i mean i knew that long ago b4 i even took the paper, or at least after i took the paper. but it's just i thot my mcq could save me. but look at that very nice failure grade for my mcq. i really do not want to see my paper 2. chem leh... i just feel like dying. there's just this sense of frustration. everyone (including me) use to find chem quite manageable, and did quite ok for it (except those under mok). but then, now my fav subj and supposedly best sunj in sec school is failing me like crazy and i really dunno how to deal with it.

today's arenes. i totally didnt understand a thing abt it right from the time it started. just blindly copy, even with a chance of copying wrongly. then econs which is my current best subj is getting harder and harder. phy as usual is cmi. so is maths with differentiation coming up. not that i wanna tok abt academic stuff, but i really cant imagine my results for blocks. then these ppl keeping stressing u out with all those "u got 10 wks left". might as well say it blatantly, "10 wks b4 u need to start revsion from the first topic again, for repeating j1 next yr".

non-academically, i had this spillover struggle with ccas after my decision made in the june holidays. which is quitting guitar. it's like a sad thing for me, but i gotta do it. cos joining 2 musical ccas will not get me anywhere in a sense, cos i can only take part in 1 syf. and i so dont want to be a stagnant member of a cca im not that committed to. it's like u learn the syf guitar songs and be this so called member of it. then u dont contribute back at all thru the simplest means of syf. and i really dont want to go only for 1 time per wk. it's horrible for attendance. like maximum 50% that kind of thing. wads the pt if it clashes with CO on wed. wad if i end up not able to get 80% for both ccas. im already screwing up my cca attendance for CO and interact le.

then theres this trouble abt telling my parents. after all i bought my guitar le. then if i say i quit, they'll go "san fen zhong re du" that kinda thing. and i cant be bothered to explain the "plight", cos it's my decision. it's not that im forced to quit or wad. i also dont wanna reveal to them in fear that they think this guiar will go to waste. but then again, i dunno if i can spare time for guitar lessons. then parents also will have to pay... i dunno la! *stressed*

also theres the thing abt 2 frens i have. i dont wanna elaborate. that'll only get me worked up. dao's the keyword.

then pw. it's been causing me a lot of sleep this wk. i dunno la. mebbe i slack too much in the hols. suddenly everything just rushes to u. like excessive pw on ur mind. after that super brain juice squeezing report on infocredit dun&bradstreet (nvm if u dont understand), and reading sources that amount to abt 20 pages+, and filling up lists, chanel handbags and pw meetings (online and during pw lesson), and research piling up to an impossible to handle height. but then again, we cant slow down the pace, cos drafts up by wk 6. and it's bloody individual. thanks a lot. it totally doesnt make sense. like we have mixed resources of all sorts. how do we expect to make heal and tail out of our individual EoM. talk about project work's uniqueness in being TEAMWORK. irony isnt it. individual work at such an impt stage.

i dunno wads wrong with me la. i just tend to snap at things seeming to go against my will. it's human instinct (im not defending myself here), but im defending a bit too strongly i guess. stuff like discussing online or meeting up, im glad wee chern agrees with me to make it a 2-2. if not i may just flare up. ya, it's probably me being unreasonable, but it's that kind of times when u feel like the world (in this case the grp) is against u liddat. like wadeva u say wont be appreciated and accepted kinda thing. it's similar like how u spend effort to do something, and a person accepts work without any recgonition (like thanks), or even worse, rejects ur work and criticise it. that's like the last straw for me in grp work.

but im glad my grp isnt the unreasonable type. they are ppl who agree to discuss. which is like very nice of them. cos i really like to discuss stuff and arrive at decisions thru it. and face-to-face makes it soooooooooooooooooooooo much more sincere. and a lot of other feel-better factors to meeting up. thats why it is so much more productive. everyone gets to really hear each other. u wont be like missing out on stuff just cos u went to the toilet that kinda stuff. aiya, a picture speaks a thousand words la. u cant imagine how many words a live video playing in front of ur eyes (meeting up) can meet. dunno if u understand the analogy, nvm. haha im here supporting my stand again. nvm. some ppl just want company and like home-hater liddat, while some just prefer to stone and rot at home.

so dun care la. just see wad the grp has to say. they want anthing then jaaaz follow. after it's teamwork mahs. >.< im so contradictory.