life. life. life.

sometimes i just hate being able to feel so much over a small thing. it has its own benefits i guess, having that softer side to u and not be this big bad heartless freak. (ok, overexaggaration. nvm.) but it gets horribly out of control sometimes. u can just stone there and start feeling pissed or sad over a small tiny matter. or a not so small one, for a matter of fact.

call it sensitive, petty, touchy wadeva i dont care. im not going to like condemn this characteristic i have just cos it doesnt make me um... "macho". it's just me, i got to learn to accept and adapt to it, not try to get it out of my life asap or something.

but then again, they are causing tiny things to creep up to me like anything and i cant exactly brush them off. they are like...leeches. small but deadly. why not add the fact that i could be allergic to them as well (ok i dont they dont possess poison or wad. wadeva.). this could attempt to describe the situation?

shant be naming names here. cos it's not very nice, i dont want to incur their wrath either. shall be using 'it' cos 'he/she' is just too troublesome.

1. X is a nice person. but somehow i dunno whether it hates me or something. for wadeva reason i also dunno. i know i cant possibly befriend everyone in the class, school, nation, world. but i actually regarded that i could be part of its clique of sorts. but now it nv seems to want to initiate convos with me, like im some stranger. and it will just hang around with its usual friends (thats perfectly normal), but ill just take a little extra notice when it is talking to someone else out of that grp of ppl. i try to talk la, but the reply like very normal. at least it's not cold i guess. thats when the crappy sensitiveness comes in lahs. so wad if this is so. so wad if im being daoed. so wad if it hates me.

side track: i was just telling wee chern today that i think probably certain ppl are superficial. though i seriously hope it's not so.

2. i have not spoken to Y for ages. it's kinda busy i guess, with loads of work (or so it says). in fact, we hardly ever meet. then again, im a nobody to it ma, so i guess im not so impt a person that we must meet up slightly more often or something. but now we are like so distant, i could feel the cold wind blowing. i also dunno wad else to do. every step i move forward, it seems to move backwards. waitwait, replica watches i havent even said anything that will make it be scared of me. wads wrong with going out with frens or stuff? my only conclusion is as stated above loh, im just not impt enough. taking the initiative is very tiring. i really mean it. it comes back even worse when your every effort just goes to waste with a "not free". sorries just dont seem to do the job leh. it's not healing.

actually im alright already, just really cannot understand the reason why, why, why.

side track: ck always goes on and on abt his __, but he nv nv nv realises how lucky he is. so is wc. (omg i have to laugh at the ck part, cos i noticed something abt this post. nvm.)

this is so contradictory. im like fighting this inner battle. the all-time classic of angel vs devil. there they go again, popping around my head and muttering stuff. at least they agreed upon something. i suck.

p.s. why am i bothering to think so much over such small matters? there are better things to do. actually i also dunno. im being some miracle believer, hoping that everyone will like me? hah, fat hope.