hmm decided to abandon my work and come and blog. had to do something to replace that emo post previously haha.

abt wad i was stressed abt, thought it thru liao. if they dont show concern for u, find ppl who will. if u feel ignored, just go tok to ppl who will talk to u. if life feels meaningless to u, find something to liven it up. i dont think im someone who's hated by loads of ppl (or at least i hope), so im sure ill be able to find ppl i can fall back on even if some friendships dont work out. and it's not that i've fallen out with them or anything, so i have no right to feel upset over it. just... retreat as wad ive done for the 2nd or 3rd time in these 2 years and get on with life with others. i dont want to feel like a parasite anymore. yup, so i guess it's another smart decision gone underway. why torture urself when u cant continue with it. just let go and other friends will be there for u. argh, why do i always get affected over this kind of rubbish. insignificant somemore. it pisses me off when i get so easily influenced by such small matters.

as for the other matter, also felt better abt it liao. if i failed to do it this time, and i know it is to a large extent my own fault, then i have no reason to blame anyone else for it and bear the consequences myself loh. i can always try again when the next opportunity comes along. i shouldnt feel sore abt it just cos others seem to succeed and ride on the skies while im just crawling on the ground like some slow tortoise. they have put in a lot of effort to get their achievements i guess. so i have no rights to complain if i havent felt that i worked hard enough for it. but, it's just scary that there arent many more chances left for me to work hard for.

ah just forget it. i feel better now and let's just leave it at that.

anyway last sat went for grand seniors outing at clarke quay. j1s had jielun shixian szuan and michelle, j2s had lionel shouhao samuel tan and me. seniors had quite a lot, weijie grace luoling xiquan jingyi jiawen weizhi nicholas kaixiang, ranging from 01-07 in total. 6 years of snrs/jnrs. kewl haha. so we went fisherman's wharf for dinner. basically they only sold fish and chips, with several kinds of fishes and 2 types of chips, chips or fries haha. we ordered the cheapest one la, and it tasted gd enough already. nt bad, i would say. might go back again. the ambience also quite nice la, whirring fans, wooden tables and chairs, and a huge oil painting of fishermen fishing on the walls as wallpaper.

after that we wanted to go tcc to just chill out and chat, but it was full, so we went to the riverside and sat down in a circle while we waited for tcc's call to inform us of any available seats. shouhao brought his guitar, so we were like listening to him play and form dumb lyrics haha. songs on quite a lot of us la haha, louis vuitton handbags so we kinda got our own song thx to shouhao's ingenious lyric composing. haha. but then again, he kinda showed us how easy it is to make a pop song lol. makes me all the more motivated to learn some guitar man! how cool will that be if i managed to come up with some proper lyrics and with suitable guitar progressions, it'll become a song!

there are quite a lot of pubs around there and one of them had a very good live singer! we walked past that pub quite a lot of times and seriously, all the songs he sing are very nice haha. relaxing too. and there was this pub with tv screens showing lame jokes haha. supposedly dirty, but i didnt understand like half of them. so defeats the purpose lol.

anyway quite a lot of us ordered beverages at tcc. wanted to order some mint frappe, but somehow it never came, so aiya just forget it and save the money. jielun ordered the same thing, so at least i got to try it la haha. tastes kinda good. anyway we were playing zong ji mi ma (somehow our 3rd most fav game following bridge and gei wo tempo, mebbe 4th due to chop chilli), and the forfeits began from truth or dare to simple dare or dare haha. heng i never tio la, didnt know the seniors so hiong haha, was hearing them say how their forfeits included prank calling someone and never telling the person it was a prank. omg that must have been super malu. but thankfully we didnt have that. but the seniors really good sports la haha, like how kaixiang and xiquan passed a small cookie by mouth with like 7-8 phones taking their videos. then we will have this 5 min interval between each forfeit where we will be bluetoothing each other the better quality videos. haha. the forfeits even included kissing lah! haha samuel should know wad i mean =P.

anyway it was quite late and i didnt know how to get back cos weirdly, i saw 961 to kallang on one side of the bus stop, but when i went over to the other side, no 961 in the list of buses >.<. so i totally tikum my way home, by taking some bus that will supposedly bring me to litle india station, 166 or 851. so i boarded 851. but along the way, i saw 166 turn in another direction la! so i was like omg, the bus routes not accurate one. but thankfully 851 went by bugis and stopped at the bus stop i always take from bugis! and i took wad i think is the last or 2nd last 170 cos it was 12am and the last bus was supposedly at 12:10. yeah so super tyco. i thot i had to spend the $$ i saved from not drinking the mint frappe on taxi home la. whew.

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the class is somehow quite tense recently. lots of things happening and all. so much so that i dunno wad exactly is going on and wad i can do abt it anymore. just hope the tension can ease and things can go back to normal (to some extent). looking back at how much fun our class had last year, i really wish that time can turn backwards and we can all go back to how we were like last year, all the fun and laughter. simply enjoying life haha. but i guess that's impossible.

things can never go back to the way it used to be.

still i hope everything will turn out ok. hate to see the class in such a state.